Hope is stupid

(and other uplifting thoughts for Advent)

There was not one huge epiphany that made me feel like I’m going to be okay.  No lightning bolt or specific word of wisdom.  Rather, I think it was the cumulative, dogged persistence of just putting one foot in front of the other.  It was kind of Job-ing along.  It was Job-ing along with the intention to use this period of my life to learn some very hard things and to change the things I can. It was the love and support of kind friends who were equally as dogged and persistent in keeping me going. 

And then one night I was lying in bed trying to name my feelings, and I felt like I was going to be okay.

I’ve known I was going to be okay from Day One.  But only recently have I felt it.  Knowing and feeling are two different things.

But lest you be deceived, dear reader, I am still a tad … ummm … cynical?  Skeptical?  Critical?  I am thinking a lot about big things, and one of those things that pops up often is hope. 

I just don’t buy it anymore.  Not right now.

So maybe that’s what this year’s Advent-ure will ponder:  hope.  Maybe we can find hope from the ashes of Job; maybe we’ll just ponder it together. 

We’ll figure it out as we go, which is (of course) the only way.